The Colbert Report

Stephen tells Richard Freeman that capitalists are the chickens and workers are the eggs that we have the right to scramble.

Stephen suggests that Gary Rosen surf the web for cheap uranium.

Stephen talks about religion, immigration and guns with his running mate Mike Huckabee.

Norman Ornstein and Stephen talk about how the Bush administration slimmed down the Constitution.

Evolutionary biologist Neil Shubin claims that the human breast evolved from fish teeth.

Jared Cohen found out that the young people in the Middle East are just like American teenagers.

Deborah Tannen believes that Hillary is being judged more harshly because she is a woman.

Esteban Colberto sneaks across the border to chat with Lou Dobbs about the middle class.

With the help of economist Allan Sloan, Stephen comes up with the perfect solution to the recession.

Malcolm Gladwell says that if Abe Lincoln took an IQ test today, he'd be classified as mentally retarded.

Jeb Corliss flew past the giant Jesus in Rio using only his wing suit.

Debra Dickerson from MotherJones.com feels that Bill Clinton is acting like a sphincter.

Stephen wants Jesus on the show, and Rick Warren says he has connections.

Joe Quesada tells Stephen that he's still running for president in the Marvel universe.

Stephen asks Carl Hiaasen, author and native Floridian, what is wrong with Florida.

Tim Harford explains how rational decision-making influences our choices about unprotected sex and soft drinks.

Tony Campolo reminds Stephen that Jesus wants him to love his enemy, Conan O'Brien.

Angelo Falcon tells Stephen that the Republicans have been chucking the Latino vote out the window.

Richard Brookhiser tells Stephen that John McCain is the likely candidate for the Republicans. Stephen asks Tad Devine about superdelegates and their mutant powers.

Mark Moffett introduces Stephen to a contender for world's largest frog.

Professor Aubrey de Grey researches a way to make John McCain younger.

Governor Eliot Spitzer agrees to help Stephen become a superdelegate too. 

David Gracer cooks up a delicious plate of insects and invites Stephen to join in the feast.

John Feinstein worries that professionals using steroids are influencing America's teen athletes. Leonard Nimoy challenges American standards of beauty with photographs of nude overweight women.

Henry Louis Gates, Jr. is going to test Stephen's DNA to find out if he is blacker than Obama.

Stephen is jealous that Tony Snow is filling in for Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly.

Richard Brookhiser shows that Stephen is a direct descendant of William F. Buckley. Ingrid Newkirk, president of PETA, had a revelation about being eaten.

Stephen finds out why Maestro Lorin Maazel took the New York Philharmonic to North Korea. Shashi Tharoor believes that Stephen would have been at the top of the caste system.

William Donohue expresses Stephen's outrage at Pastor John Hagee's anti-Catholic bigotry. Howard Dean phones Stephen to give him a cheerful update on the primaries. Jennifer 8. Lee tells Stephen that Americans eat Chinese food more often than they eat apple pie.

Stephen uses delicious metaphors to try and find out which candidate Robert Reich supports. Stephen asks Gregory Rodriguez if America will ever be ready for a President who is "other".

John Legend explains that true patriotism involves honest critiques and a willingness to change.

George McGovern believes that one can be an idealist and a realist at the same time.

Geraldo Rivera has had an "a-ha" moment that changed his opinion of Stephen.

Stephen asks Howard Kurtz if late night comedy shows should have any influence in politics.

Hussein Ibish helps Stephen determine whether or not Obama is a secret Muslim. Sudhir Venkatesh lived in the projects of Chicago to find out how street gangs operate.

Stephen suggests to former Obama advisor Samantha Power that maybe Hillary Clinton is a good monster, like Cookie Monster.

Unless Stephen decides to run for president again, Carole King is supporting Hillary.

Dee Dee Myers tells Stephen what would happen if women ruled the world.

Stephen puts inventor Dean Kamen's vapor compression distiller to the test.

Eric Alterman explains that liberalism is about truth, and truth is complicated. Michael Reynolds builds energy-efficient homes out of a natural resource: our garbage.

Van Jones tells Stephen about green collar jobs that are good for the Earth as well as the economy.

During the interview, Stephen uses the new R.E.M. album to cover his area.

Clay Shirky encourages the Colbert Nation to do something interesting with Doritos bags.

Trevor Paglen compiled a book of military patches worn by classified or top secret officers. Jesse Ventura has been surfing in Mexico, learning about revolution.

Stephen promises Madeleine Albright a private showing of his portrait at the Smithsonian.

Stephen has an exclusive -- Jeff Gore, founder of Citizens for Retiring the Penny, is endorsing Obama.

Robin Wright has covered six Middle East wars, and Stephen wants to know which was her favorite.

Stephen asks Philadelphia native Chris Matthews how to win the Pennsylvania vote.

Stephen tries to make Barack Obama jealous by singing to Michelle Obama.

Stephen finds out from Governor Ed Rendell that the people of Pennsylvania are both bitter and sweet.

Senator Hillary Clinton gets to the bottom of Stephen's technical problems and recommends toggling the input.

Stephen worries that Senator Sanders' call for a redistribution of wealth will overcrowd his yacht club.

Susan Jacoby and Stephen debate the importance of reason, the benefits of elitism and how much she owes him in truthiness residuals.

Author Mitch Albom writes his emotional books so that people will remember to live life in the present and not wait to forgive others or follow their dreams.

If California's first lady, a member of a political dynasty and wealthy former news anchor, doesn't know who she is, what chance do the rest of us have?

Steve Jobs offered Feist U.S. citizenship as part of the deal for doing the iPod commercial.

Anne Lamott and Stephen, two Sunday School teachers, talk about faith.

Noah Feldman, who helped advise the Iraqis, educates Stephen about the Iraqi Constitution.

James Howard Kunstler warns suburbia that it will run out of energy very soon.

Carl Hiaasen feels that every round of golf is a journey into the darkest part of his soul.

Stephen is worried that Nathan Gunn is sending the wrong message by singing opera without a shirt.

After being accused of terrorist activities, Hasan Elahi decided to create a website documenting his daily activities. George Johnson and Stephen re-create one of the 10 most beautiful experiments.

Arianna Huffington tells Stephen that the Iraq war is John McCain's Viagra.

Dr. Mehmet Oz explains the more sex you have, the longer your life expectancy.

Stephen asks Jennifer Hooper McCarty if having too many poor people on the lower deck sank the Titanic.

Stephen asks Laura Dern what it was like to play America's sweetheart, Katherine Harris. Stephen praises Grover Norquist for using some of the rhetoric from the 19th century South in his new book.

Andrei Cherny explains how America prevented the spread of Communism by dropping candy bars.

Tony Perkins and Stephen discuss their outrage over the California Supreme Court ruling to legalize gay marriage. Brian Greene explains to Stephen what the big deal is about science.

Senator Claire McCaskill explains why Barack Obama is the best man or woman to be the next president of the United States.

Stephen asks Tad Devine if we can add a third candidate to the Democratic race, like a rabid monkey or an underfed tiger. David Sirota explains the presidential campaign isn't the only place where change happens.

Jon Paskowitz tells Stephen what it was like to travel around with a large family and a father who decided his children were going to surf instead of go to school.

George Will explains conservatives understand that the government's job is to deliver the mail, defend the shores, and get out of the way.

Stephen asks Libertarian presidential candidate Bob Barr if he's afraid the government will make him register his moustache. Salman Rushdie tells Stephen why playing Helen Hunt's gynecologist appealed to him.

Pat Buchanan believes World War II was the easiest war to avoid in all of history.

Stephen asks Philip Weiss if variety in your sexual married life means the missionary position with a bunch of different hats.

Zoologist Alan Rabinowitz almost makes Stephen cry with the story of how he was inspired to save big cats.

David Hajdu talks about a time in America when comics were about crime and vice, like Grand Theft Auto.

Stephen asks former Green Party vice presidential candidate and Native American activist Winona LaDuke what it's like to be an oppressed elitist. Stephen asks Dickson Despommier if growing food in vertical towers is an elitist way to farm.

Kenneth Miller compares advocates of intelligent design to welfare queens waiting for the government to give them a handout.

Stephen asks Neal Katyal if his goal of bringing rights to the prisoners at Guantanamo is his private jihad. Jonathan Zittrain wants to save the good chaos of the Internet and separate it from the bad chaos that will stomp on everything.

Stephen helps Barack Obama find a new religion by exploring Hinduism with Hindu Temple Society of North America President Uma Mysorekar. Stephen asks Junot Diaz how he won the Pulitzer if he wasn't born in America.

Stephen tells Bishop N.T. Wright his idea of heaven is getting a harp, drinking a mint julep and asking Ronald Reagan questions.

Stephen wants you to buy Barbara Ehrenreich's book so she gets super rich and has to swallow her words.

The world demands an eight-legged tribute to Stephen, and not another barbershop quartet. Stephen asks Will Smith if he supports Barack Obama because he secretly wants to play him in a movie of his life.

Stephen asks Paul Goldberger why America can't take our existing skyscrapers and stack them to make the tallest building in the world. Stephen asks Neil deGrasse Tyson what dark matter is because he doesn't see the color of matter.

Stephen asks Congressman Robert Wexler to say some things about his constituents since they're asleep.

Stephen asks Lama Surya Das if it would be hard for Barack Obama to convert from a secret Muslim to a Buddhist. Daniel C. Esty believes the free market can solve the environmental problem. Stephen's been saying that for years.

As South America becomes more independent and powerful, Stephen asks Julia E. Sweig if we have to start caring about soccer. Stephen asks Jason Riley if he's afraid a Mexican will take over his job on the editorial board of The Wall Street Journal.

Jimmy is so excited about Rush's appearance that he replaces Stephen's theme song.

Stephen tells Elizabeth Edwards we already have universal health care. It's called prayer.

If Senator Jim Webb doesn't want to be Barack Obama's vice president, Stephen does.

Stephen asks Margaret Spellings if federally mandated spanking would help our kids do better in school.

Stephen wants to know why Nas challenged Bill O'Reilly to a debate instead of a freestyle rap contest.

Stephen asks Laurie Goodstein why Anglicans can't just ordain gay priests and then not talk about it -- like the Catholics. Astronaut Garrett Reisman tells Stephen he wrote the secret codes to the self-destruct mechanism on his WristStrong bracelet.

With "Beer for My Horses," Stephen worries that Toby Keith will start hanging out with Sean Penn and chaining himself to whales.

Stephen asks Eric Roston if he believes carbon is the Al Qaeda of elements.

Stephen asks Crosby, Stills & Nash if it's hard to redo the stationery every time Neil Young drops out of the band.

Stephen wants Brendan Koerner to tell him why they make fluorescent light bulbs look like soft serve ice cream if you're not supposed to lick them. Stephen asks Buzz Aldrin if "Fly Me to the Moon" -- his new animated film about flies on the Apollo mission -- is based on a true story.

Lucas Conley tells Stephen about America's obsession with branding in his Dr. Pepper interview.

Stephen asks David Carr which is more damaging to society -- crack addiction or the New York Times.

Stephen asks Jason Bond if his spider would win in a fight with Neil Young's spider. Stephen wants to know if Kevin Costner is a Hollywood leftie liberal pinko Commie.

Devin Gordon explains what China is actually getting out of hosting the Olympics. Stephen asks Thomas Frank what the conservatives have done to make government worse.

Univision anchor Jorge Ramos discusses the kind of energy Latinos bring to the United States.

Joey Cheek explains that China revoked his visa because of his attempt to bring attention to human rights abuses in Darfur. Stephen asks Jane Mayer why she has to see enhanced interrogation as the glass being half empty, instead of half full with a guy's face in it.

Dick Meyer believes there's a difference between individualism and selfishness.

Bing West says the soldiers did such a good job in Iraq that they changed the nature of the war.

Libertarian Bob Barr talks about his presidential campaign and sharing a cigar with Al Gore. Scott McClellan and Stephen try to get President Bush on the phone.

Mike Huckabee doesn't want Barack Obama to be president, but he's proud that he's the Democratic nominee.

Richard Brookhiser tells Stephen that George Washington was a good president because he trusted smart people.

John McWhorter is a social conservative, but thinks Barack Obama would be a better president for all sorts of reasons.

Laura D'Andrea Tyson tells Stephen the economy grows faster under Democratic presidents.

Doris Kearns Goodwin explains that Sarah Palin has to make her case to women before they will vote for her.

Adam Brickley explains how he influenced the direction of American politics from his mom's house. Ron Paul would have had to give up everything he believes in to speak at the RNC.

Stephen asks David Paterson how he can be nice and successful in politics.

Peter J. Gomes believes Christian churches today are not engines of change, but engines of conservatism.

Consumer advocate Tyson Slocum says the oil companies are standing in the way of America getting off its addiction to oil. Rick Reilly's charity, Nothing but Nets, keeps kids from dying of malaria in Africa.

Bob Lutz explains how GM's new electric car works.

Maria Bartiromo tells Stephen we shouldn't have knee-jerk reactions to the Wall Street collapse.

Jackson Browne explains why he's suing John McCain for using his song in an Obama attack ad.

New York Times Business Columnist Joe Nocera explains the $700 billion bailout will save the economy because it has to. Cornel West believes we're at a moment where we need courage, compassion and hope.

Stephen plays with his iPhone as Nicholas Carr says the Internet is taking away our ability to concentrate.

Paul Begala is with the 82% who think George W. Bush is doing a terrible job.

There isn't enough time for another James Taylor song.

KIPP schools co-founder Dave Levin says over 80% of the kids he started with are now enrolled in college.

Shakespeare scholar Stephen Greenblatt discusses the Shakespearean parallels of Obama, McCain and Palin. Naomi Klein wants us to be prepared for leaders to take advantage of us in moments of crises.

Jim Cramer talks about who's to blame for the economic crisis, and where to invest now.

Nate Silver takes the same predictive capability he uses in baseball and applies it to the presidential election.

Joe Scarborough gives reasons why John McCain won't win this election.

David Gergen says with the stock market where it is, voters don't want to hear about Bill Ayers or Charles Keating. Stephen asks Oliver Stone if he's finished in Hollywood now that he's portrayed the president empathetically in "W."

Bethany McLean doesn't think computers are responsible for creating the economic crisis. Kathleen Parker says the press is too easy on Sarah Palin because she's a babe.

Joseph Stiglitz explains why the economic crisis won't end just because the stock market does well.

Tina Brown compares The Daily Beast to a great cocktail party with fun and interesting people.

Brent Glass formally accepts Stephen's portrait into the National Museum of American History. Robert Greenwald discusses his series of heavily researched anti-McCain ads on YouTube.

Fareed Zakaria says the bright side to the economic crisis is America will start saving. Wynton Marsalis and Stephen perform the "Star-Spangled Banner."

Chancellor Michael Farris explains the importance of teaching the Bible at Patrick Henry College.

David Frum believes the Republicans' creativity and flexibility will determine when they come back into power.

Jonathan Alter explains Barack Obama wants to redraw the social contract the way FDR did.

Yo-Yo Ma talks about his collaboration with friends.

Sherman Alexie believes John McCain has been great for Native Americans, but he's bad for the country.

Stephen lets David Simon touch his Emmy.

Stephen's heart stops when he tries to match Jeff Tweedy's low-key energy.

Charlie Cook explains voters want to follow the election, and polls are how you keep score. Andrew Sullivan supports Barack Obama because John McCain isn't serious about winning the war on terror.

The election is a setback for the McCain campaign, but he will come back fighting and take this thing.

Andrew Young gives credit to George W. Bush for setting the table for an Obama presidency.

Rachel Maddow says the Bush administration has been like hiring a vegan to be your butcher.

Dan Savage explains that those who voted for Proposition 8 most overwhelmingly were old people. Mayor-elect Kevin Johnson tells Stephen what he plans to do to make Sacramento less unbelievably boring.

Bob Woodward talks about the dysfunction in the Bush administration from trying to straighten out the war in Iraq.

Stephen Moore says Barack Obama is going to bring the economy to a crawl because of his taxes.

Tom Brokaw clarifies his ambition to be in Barack Obama's cabinet. Malcolm Gladwell figures out the best year to be born in the 20th century if you want to become rich.

Stephen then interviews Paul Simon about his career and his new book, Lyrics.

Michael Lewis says people will eventually blame Barack Obama for the financial crisis.

Thomas Friedman wants the government to launch a green revolution with the same persistence China does through authoritarian means.

Khaled Hosseini says the war in Afghanistan is a marathon, not a 100-yard dash. Roland Fryer details his innovative program that pays kids for good grades.

Jeffrey Goldberg believes airports don't have security -- they've got security theater.

Barbara Walters lists some previous fascinating people we've already forgotten.

Bob Graham says Pakistan's nuclear arsenal and unstable government make a perfect bioterrorism storm. Nicholas Wade explains why he's going to all the trouble of recreating a woolly mammoth.

Geoffrey Canada wants poor parents to raise smart children so they can become competitive in America.

Kevin Bacon joins Stephen by the Nixmas tree to discuss his new movie "Frost/Nixon." Charlie Kaufman must describe his new movie "Synecdoche, New York" using the words "feel good" and "sassy Chihuahua."

Richard Haass believes this century has the potential for America to cooperate with other countries to make the world safer.

Michael Phelps will compete in the 2010 Winter Olympics after Stephen teaches him how to ice dance.