Red vs. Blue

The Reds contemplate their purpose at Blood Gulch, the Blues watch carefully.

The Reds get a new vehicle, the Blues complain about it.

Both armies get new recruits and decide they don't like them.

Donut mistakes Blue Base for the Store, the Blue Rookie gives away the flag.

The Blues try to get the flag back, Donut gets lost.

Church confronts Donut, Grif and Simmons set out to rescue their rookie.

The Reds keep the Blues pinned, Blue Teams rookie tests out the new tank.

Grif and Simmons run for their lives, mistakes get made on Blue Team.

The Blues press the attack while the Reds try to hold out.

Tucker requests reinforcements, and gets more than he bargained for.

Lopez repairs the Warthog, while Grif takes the blame for its destruction. Meanwhile, at the Blue Base, Tex uses Caboose for target practice, while ignoring Tucker's attempts at friendly conversation. Tex suddenly decides to leave in order to infiltrate the Red base. During the attack, Tex sticks a plasma grenade to Donut's head and, in the ensuing chaos, also attacks Grif and Simmons.

Having knocked out Grif and Simmons after attacking Donut, Tex retrieves the Blue flag, but is surprised and captured by Sarge and Lopez. Church appears again at the Blue Base and reveals that Tex is actually female. Back at the Red Base, Donut, badly injured from the grenade explosion, is Airlifted out of the gulch for treatment. Tex eventually regains consciousness, and her voice modulator malfunctions, revealing her gender to the Reds.

Church tells Tucker and Caboose that Tex is not only female, but also his ex-girlfriend. Simmons and Grif are left to guard Tex. Meanwhile, Church continues to explain the situation to Tucker and Caboose, revealing that Tex's meanness and toughness are partially due to an AI in her armor. He then outlines a plan to rescue Tex.

To distract the Reds and deceive them into believing that the Blues have more Special Operations soldiers, Tucker and Caboose go through the teleporter to turn their armor black. When they attack the Red Base, Tucker's bickering with Caboose leads to Church admitting that "I can'tn believe I died for this war." Sarge mistakes Caboose's stupidity for tactical brilliance and summons Grif to help to repel this new attack, leaving Simmons alone guarding Tex. Church possesses Sarge's body and uses it to deceive Simmons and free Tex. However, Caboose, wishing to impress Church and make amends for killing him, shoots Sarge in the head with the sniper rifle, not knowing that Church was possessing Sarge's body; Caboose quickly blames Tucker for this.

Now both dead, Sarge and Church meet in the spiritual plane and talk. Sheila also appears here, but is quickly rebuked by Church, who is still angry at her for killing him. Church represents himself to Sarge as an angel and offers to lead him to heaven for a fee. The two swap complaints about their teammates until Grif revives Sarge by using cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR). Having forgotten his spiritual experience, Sarge initially thanks Simmons, but, upon learning that it was Grif who saved him, berates Grif for the illogicality of using CPR "for a bullet wound to the head." During when Sarge tells Grif off about the bizzare treatment, he shouts out "What were to happen when someone shoots me in the foot, you'd rub my neck with Aloe Vera?!"

A healed Donut returns from Red Command with new pink armor, which he insists is "lightish red". Sarge pokes fun at Donut by addressing him with feminine titles like "Madam","Strawberry Shortcake", "Pretty in Pink", "Barbie", and "Princess Peach". Sarge reveals that Lopez is actually a robot, which Grif has trouble with ("Did the fact he never talks get to you?" "I just thought he was a silent guy." "Not even that he drinks motor oil and sleeps standing up?" "I thought he was just trying to impress me"), and finally gets around to installing his voice card, but neglects to ground himself; static electricity damage to the card results in Lopez's inability to speak anything other than Spanish, which none of the Reds understand.

Tucker, Caboose, and Church convince Tex to help them, since they rescued her as a favor. Meanwhile, the Red Team is still trying to understand what Lopez is saying. While Tex begins to repair Sheila, Church goes to higher ground to spy on the Reds. Finding his dead body still on the cliff, he berates his teammates for having neglected to give him a proper burial.

The Blues continue to discuss what to do with Church's corpse. After an interlude demonstrating the Reds' boredom, the episode cuts back to Church, who worries that Tex will soon kill the entire Red Team. If successful, she would then leave, probably never to be seen again, before Church could remove the AI from her armor. To prevent this, Church decides to warn the Red Team of her impending attack. After Church leaves, Caboose spies Donut through a sniper rifle, exclaims that the Reds have a girl, and ineptly reveals Church's plan to Tex.

Church possesses Lopez's body to warn the Red Team, but finds that he can only speak Spanish. Caboose radios Church to inform him that Tex is almost ready. To Tucker's surprise, Caboose identifies himself as "O'Malley" and denies that he has ever confirmed his name as Caboose. Tex and Sheila then attack the Red Base. Sarge and Simmons attempt to repel them using the Warthog, but fail dismally. Ironically, it is Donut, still angry at being blown up earlier and being stuck in pink armor, who manages to kill Tex and disable Sheila by pitching a plasma grenade halfway across the gulch ("Man, that girl's got a really good arm!"). Church runs to Tex's aid, taking Lopez's body with him. Sarge mistakes this for a suicide charge by Lopez and lets him go. In her dying words, Tex thanks Church for ridding her of the AI. Meanwhile, Caboose adopts a deep, menacing voice, repeating that his name is "O'Malley".