Red vs. Blue

Grif is still despairing over being back in Blood Gulch, despite the others' attempts to shut him up. Meanwhile, back at Zanzibar, Tex, Tucker, and Caboose discover that Church is back in ghost form again. Church explains that he was literally scared out of his body after being ambushed by the Alien in the last episode, though his attempts to explain this are repeatedly interrupted by Caboose's stupidity and Tucker's attempt to hijack the flashback and showcase his sexual fantasies; Tucker wisely ends quickly so as to avoid getting his head blown off by Tex. Tucker uses the catch phrase "Bow-chicka-bow-wow" in this episode for the first time, much to Church's annoyance.

In Blood Gulch, the Red Team takes potshots at Grif with their sniper rifles in order to get him to stop screaming. Grif eventually relents, and the team prepares to investigate their old base. Sarge gives a speech about alertness, completely unaware that Sheila is roaming around behind him. Meanwhile, the Blues prepare to hunt the Alien that scared Church. When asked about the Alien's whereabouts, Andy proves unhelpful, merely offering insults instead. Suddenly, the Blues spot the Alien, causing them to fire wildly and run away in panic - with the exception of Caboose, who simply asks, "Did we win?".

Simmons tries to convince Sarge that he did see a tank behind him. Donut concurs, but Sarge disregards his testimony because he is "impressionable", and Grif simply denies it in order to make Simmons look bad. Meanwhile, the Blues insult each other over their previous panicked, wild fire attack on the alien. Tex decides to go in alone and dashes into the complex while the rest debate Church's heroism (or lack thereof). Upon entering the complex, Tex is immediately cut down and re-appears in ghost form. Back at Blood Gulch, Simmons and Donut get into a fistfight/hijacking match over the hovercraft, which Simmons wants to use to find the tank. Believing that Simmons has gone insane, Sarge promotes Grif to his "Number Two" man, but Grif quickly loses the position due to his laziness. On the Blue side, Tucker suggests that Caboose goes into the complex and speak to the alien. Church likes the idea because he and Tex could sneak in and retrieve their bodies while the Alien is chewing on Caboose. Caboose enters, sees Andy, and asks whether he has seen the Alien. As he finishes his sentence he sees the Alien's shadow on the ground.

Simmons has completely fallen out of favor with Sarge, and in fact is now ordered by the judge — Donut wearing a judge's wig — to stand at least 200 yards away from the rest of the Reds. As a result, Sarge begins to hold a competition to determine who will be his new right-hand man. Grif is automatically disqualified for being Grif, which puts the competition down to Donut, Lopez's old wrench, and a skull found nearby. Simmons laments the ruination of his life, and concedes to himself that maybe he did imagine seeing the tank. Sheila's voice is suddenly heard right behind him, begging to differ. Meanwhile, back at Zanzibar, the Blues are startled to discover that Caboose has actually managed to tame the Alien, thanks to his kindness — or, more likely, that the alien found him unpalatable, and no longer wants to eat him or anything that looks like him. The Blues insult the alien while trying to understand its language, which seems to consist entirely of blarg and honk.

At the Zanzibar fortress, Church asks Gary whether he can translate the Alien's speech for them. Gary reveals the alien's race were his creators, but unfortunately he knows virtually nothing about the race because he was programmed entirely with knowledge of the Shisno. The Blues continue to try translating what the alien is saying, and eventually reach the conclusion that the Alien's name might be "Honk Honk". Church even believes that he figured out that blarg means yes in the alien's language, though Tex argues that it could also mean no. Meanwhile at Blood Gulch, the Reds continue Sarge's right-hand-man contest, which Donut ultimately wins. Simmons has become despondent and suicidal, and Sheila (whom Simmons believes is a figment of his imagination) tries to cheer him up by leading him back to her home, a reconstructed Blue base. Sheila reveals that she has lost many of her memories due to circuit degradation over the years. She knows that her final mission was to protect the Blue Base from the enemy of the Blues, and though she has forgotten their identity, she vaguely remembers it was an army of a different color. Simmons, immediately realizing that his life is in danger, unsuccessfully tries to convince Sheila that the enemy was space pirate cowboy monkey ninjas who were trying to round up some cattle.

Tucker tries to teach the Alien how to speak English while Donut keeps Simmons away from the Red Base. 

The Blues find someone to translate the Alien language while Simmons mounts an assault on the Red Base. 

Tucker, Caboose, Andy and the Alien prepare for a dangerous quest while Grif tries to talk Simmons out of killing all the reds.

Simmons takes Grif hostage while Church has a heart to heart with Tucker about his dangerous quest.

Donut and Sarge investigate Grif's kidnapping, while the Quest team arrives at the burning planes to face a demon.

Sarge's rescue attempt goes awry while the Quest team uses Tucker as bait.

The Quest team arrives at the freezing planes while Church negotiates a surrender with Donut.

Tex storms the Freezing Planes base while Donut explains to Sarge and Grif how he led the greatest military operation ever to free them.

Sheila gets mad over Church's new fleet while a new Spartan creates an obstacle for the Quest. 

Simmons comes back to the Red Base while the Quest team return from a disastrous encounter.

At the Blue Base, Tucker becomes ill and while at the Red Base, Simmons meets resistance from Donut and Grif.

Simmons attempts to report the Blue's plans, while O'Malley, Doc, and Lopez return to the gulch.

Sarge, Simmons, and Grif race towards the Blue Base, while Donut attempts to communicate in Spanish.

Doc examines Tucker and the Reds discuss the appropriateness of hand to hand combat, sniping, and nuclear warfare.

Doc and Church discuss Tucker's pregnancy, while Andy plays Command's message for the Reds.