My Wife and Kids

Part 1 of two. Jay's away tending to her laid-up mother, so Michael's in charge of the household. The kids don't like it. "You miss your mommy a lot, don't you?" Michael commiserates to Kady. "More and more every day," she replies.

Conclusion. Jay's still away, but the house is more crowded than ever. Among the guests: Claire's friend Charmaine, who doesn't seem to want to go home; and Jr.'s new "friends"; (two of whom are played by Damon Wayans' sons Damon Jr. and Michael);, who aren't very friendly to him. Meanwhile, Michael tells Kady fanciful stories about her birth (one of which features a cameo by Shaquille O'Neal).

Jr. and Claire are chafing at Michael's household rules, so he drops them all. He also stops doing anything for them. That means they must cook their own meals and get themselves to school. It also means no curfews for Jr., but locked doors when he returns home. And it means that Claire may talk on the telephone as long as she likes, as long as she uses the pay phone Michael has installed.

Claire and Kady and Jr. are fed up with the way Michael has been treating them while Jay has been away ("You've been a dictator," Claire tells him), so they concoct a fantasy about "the perfect dad." Then Michael gets a turn to concoct a fantasy of his own. Gary Coleman has a cameo as Kady's fiancé.

Jay finally returns from California and it seems that she has put on weight. Trouble is, she won't admit it, and that concerns Michael. But what he tells his shrink concerns his performance anxieties.

Michael won't let Claire go to a party, but she's not about to take "no" for an answer, so a standoff ensues. Father-daughter trust is its first victim as she plots to go to the party while he plots to catch her.

Lou Rawls guest stars in an episode that takes a lighthearted look at a serious problem: colon cancer. Rawls appears as a singing doctor in a sequence in which Michael "previews" his colonoscopy the night before he has it. Getting him there is not easy. "What is it with men?" Janet fumes. "You take better care of your cars than you do of your bodies." That doesn't make him bend. What does is the thought of not being there for his kids.

Claire, playing a dare game with Jr. and Kady, eats Michael's piece of pie. Michael's punishment: Let them eat pie (and only pie). Meanwhile, Michael offers to be the dieting Jay's "chubby buddy": He'll eat the same lo-cal food she does. Of course, he doesn't tell her that he plans to cheat.

Jay's in for a surprise when she takes Claire and Kady to her office on Take Your Daughters to Work Day: She gets fired. "Baby, I'm so sorry," Michael tells her. She knows he doesn't mean it: Now he has the full-time housewife he's been longing for.

When Jay buys new computer software, Michael, assuming that Jr. will use it to watch pornography, demands she return it. Jay refuses, precipitating a cold war between the two. "Fix it," Jr. tells his father. He and Jay do. Do they ever.

Kady has acquired a hamster and Claire has a crush on a boy named Tony. Both developments pose parental challenges for Michael and Jay. The hamster dies. And Michael wishes Claire's new beau would follow suit.

Michael decides his kids are spoiled and puts them to work. They must use their allowances as "seed money" for businesses. So Kady opens a lemonade stand and Claire opens a beauty salon (in the living room). And Jr.? He becomes a professional gambler. Meagan and Melissa Freeman, sisters of regular Jennifer Freeman (Claire), play Claire's friends Meagan and Melissa.

Jay wants Michael to spend more quality time with her, while Michael wants to spend more quality time with his favorite video game. At first, Jay calls the situation "a breakdown in communication." Then she ratchets it up to "You don't love me." So it's off to a shrink. Meanwhile, Jr. has difficulty believing that other boys just might find Claire attractive.

Michael's cousin is getting married and Michael must rouse his reluctant family to get them all to the church on time. It won't be easy. The Kyles, he concedes, are "notoriously late" (except for him). Challenge No. 1: get Jay to decide which dress to wear.

The Kyles hit the road for an educational venture---they're going to Boston to visit Paul Revere's house. Trouble is, nobody but Jay wants to go ("Who cares where a dead rock star from the '60s was born?" moans Jr.). As it turns out, Jay's in a foul mood as well.

Part 1 of two. After a squabble with a man at a gas station, Michael is dragged to a family dinner at a restaurant. Things get no better for him when they get there.

Conclusion: The Kyles' dinner at a Japanese restaurant is already a disaster. Then they meet their dinner companions. Larry Miller appears as one of the dinner guests.

Michael breaks his no-dating-for-Claire policy, on the condition that her first date be a double date---with Michael and Jay. Back at home, Jr. baby-sits Kady and nickels-and-dimes small favors from her.

Michael's parents visit. That's a chore for Jay, who doesn't get along with his mother, while Michael doesn't get along with his father. And, talk about dysfunction, his parents don't talk to each other. Meanwhile, Jr. is seeing a cheerleader (Sterling Victorian) who's a bit too hot for his parents' taste.

Jr. overhears Claire and Tony talking about "doing it," and jumps to conclusions. Meanwhile, Michael discovers a gray hair (not on his head) and vows to "fight 40." So he takes up boxing. Wayans' sons Damon Jr. and Mike play two of Jr.'s friends.

Jay's getting a reputation as a stern taskmaster as the coach of Kady's soccer team, so Michael takes over. His coaching philosophy is considerably more mellow (with results that would make Vince Lombardi blush). And soon, a coaching showdown looms.

Jay goes overboard trying to impress---and one-up---the boss after Michael hires her to help out around the office. Meanwhile, Kady makes a new friend in an old, out-of-this-world doll.

Jr. takes an IQ test, whose results are a surprise. Meanwhile, Michael isn't smart enough to assemble Kady's new jungle gym, and Kady announces what she wants to be when she grows up: a hall monitor. So she practices at school (and learns she likes bossing people around).

Michael hurts his back playing a game on "Family Night." The family thinks it's funny, so he decides to play with their heads. But he overplays his hand.

Jay's feeling "frumpy" after she and Michael run into a gorgeous and superachieving high-school classmate named Susan. So it's time for a makeover. Meanwhile, Jr. has made the basketball team. That's the good news. But there's an initiation to undergo: he must sneak into the girls' locker room and retrieve a certain item of clothing.

The Kyles go bowling and run into their not-so-charming dinner companions, the Tylers (Larry Miller, Kelly Coffield Park), at the alley. So it's a family-against-family match. But Jr. isn't interested in making war with the Tylers' daugher, Lisa, and he even knows how to speak her language (it's Klingonese).

Jr. gets his driver's license and buys his first car, a clunker that isn't going to get him anyplace fast anytime soon. Meanwhile, Claire's face swells up horribly thanks to a tooth abscess---just in time for picture day at school.

Part 1 of two. Michael and Jay's wedding anniversary's approaching, but Jay thinks that Michael's ignoring it. Meanwhile, Michael is frustrated when a "sexy mama" outbids him for a pair of Muhammad Ali boxing gloves in an online auction.

Conclusion. Brian McKnight serenades the Kyles at a backyard anniversary party, during which they renew their wedding vows. McKnight sings his 1999 hit "Back at One."