My Wife and Kids

After hearing the shocking news that their son Junior is going to become a father, Michael and Jay freak out. They try to talk with him and help him realize he can't support a family living in their garage and having no job, so Michael offers him a job at his firm. Meanwhile, Tony feels guilty about having spicy thoughts about Claire and Franklin is still out for Junior's spot on the Kyle family.

Michael is convinced to try a new hair product after seeing the success a previously bald friend of his had with it. But as his hair starts to come in, Jay is fed up with his new and strange behavior, and Michael becomes convinced that Jay is trying to kill him.

Michael wants Jr. to learn the family business by starting at the bottom, so he assigns Jr. to do menial jobs around Kyle Trucking. Jr. however, decides to use the fact that he's the boss' son to his advantage and convinces other employees to do his work for him. Elsewhere Claire arranges a secret date with a guy she met on the Internet in a Shakespeare chat room.

Jay decides to go back to college and get her psychology degree. Michael is opposed, of course. He says it will disrupt the house and it does: Jay psychoanalyzes everybody. Meanwhile, Jay gives Jr. his baby crib for his own baby, but his friends John and Mike have their own plans for it.

Vanessa's parents have an agenda when they meet Michael and Jay for the first time. Meanwhile, Michael fears that Claire's becoming a "clothesaholic." Vanessa: Brooklyn Sudano.

Michael, suspecting that Jr. lacks parenting skills, challenges him to care for a fake baby (actually, a water balloon) for a week. Meanwhile, Kady wants to know how babies are made. "You're over the stork story, huh?" Jay asks. "Way past it," she replies.

Jr. has been getting friendly with a coworker named Larry, who ups the friendship ante considerably when his grandmother dies. Meanwhile, Claire sprains her ankle tripping over Kady's skateboard, so Michael makes Kady Claire's "personal assistant."

Jay's training hard to run a marathon; Michael not so hard ("I'm on my regimen---it's called the eat, drink and be merry regimen"). Meanwhile, Tony is feeling incredibly guilty because he finds Clare "incredibly sexy."

Vanessa has her ultrasound, but doesn't want to know the baby's sex. Neither does Jr. Only Michael wants to know. Meanwhile, Kady is enamored of a young dancer named Smilin' Willie (Elliot Cho). This upsets not only Franklin, but Claire as well. It seems that Willie has a crush on her, and won't leave her alone.

Michael and Jay go out for the evening without reciting "the rules" to Claire. That means it's party time, and the party animal turns out to be Claire's usually pious boyfriend Tony.

E Street Band saxman Clarence Clemons guests as a jazz performer who went to school with Michael, who suddenly claims he's a pianist (albeit a rusty one). He'll get a chance to show it. Meanwhile, Kady and Franklin's sister Aretha are vying to be lead singer in Franklin's band, so the young man has a choice to make.

Tony returns from a "purification exile" that followed his drunk-and-naked escapade, and Michael finds condoms in Claire's backpack. Naturally, he suspects linkage. Meanwhile, Jr. and Vanessa get a dog---a male they name "Lady"---as a "dress rehearsal" for parenthood. Jr. will soon demonstrate just how much rehearsal he'll need.

There's a mouse in the house (and doggerel in the script). Is Michael man enough to catch it? Hardly. "He's a genius," he admits, "an evil, conniving genius." But there might be a better mousetrap in the Kyle household: Claire, who's inadvertently wreaking havoc on any wildlife she encounters.

Jr. decides it's time to move out of the garage and into a place of his own, a "humble abode," he calls it. "Very humble," Michael notes on his first inspection. Just how bad is the neighborhood? "He could go out for a quart of milk and end up on the carton," says Jay.

It's candy-sale time at Kady's school and Jay won't help because she's dieting. So Michael steps in. The plan is for father and daughter to bond, but Michael's competitive nature soon overwhelms all else. "I'm afraid she's being trampled underfoot in your mad dash to victory," says Franklin, who devises his own sales strategy.

Jr. finally finishes restoring his old car---and then he sells it. He'll need college tuition for his baby-to-be, he tells his proud parents. Meanwhile, Franklin's sick of being "special," so he goes to Michael for advice and is told: "dumb down."

It's the Kyles' 19th anniversary, and Michael and Jay are busy one-upping each other in the gift department. Meanwhile, Franklin's teaching the gastronomically challenged Claire how to cook so she can prepare a fancy French dish for the anniversary dinner.

Jay wants to look younger and Michael wants to lose his "devious look" before a traffic-court date, so they visit a dermatologist, and it's smiles all around.

The NBA's LeBron James has a cameo in an episode in which all the Kyles catch the flu. Well, everyone but Michael, who goes to absurd lengths to stay healthy because he doesn't want to miss James' NBA debut at Madison Square Garden, for which Michael has scored courtside tickets.

Part 1 of two: None of the kids is at home, giving Michael and Jay a chance to reminisce (via clips from past episodes) about their brood: Claire, Kady and Jr.

The conclusion of a two-part highlight episode features clips of Michael's "minor glitches" and Jay's concern about her weight. Lou Rawls has a cameo as a physician.

Vanessa's parents have a fight and her father (Rasta) needs a place to stay, so he lands on the Kyles. He's an unusual house guest, to put it mildly. Meanwhile, Franklin has cracked the lottery. Unfortunately, he must rely on Jr. to buy the ticket that he has calculated will win.

Calvin (Rasta) goes to work at Kyle Trucking---well, not work, exactly, but Michael does feel as though he must hire his future in-law. Meanwhile, Claire has a science paper due on cold fusion, a topic about which she knows little and cares less. So she asks Franklin for help.

Michael has plans for a romantic getaway with Jay, but when Jr. foils that, they settle for a romantic evening at home. Hurdle No. 1: getting the kids out of the house. And that turns out to be the easy part.

Michael's so excited about a basketball game he's watching on TV that he accidentally tapes over Kady's first steps. What to do? Reenact them, with the reluctant assistance of Franklin.

Betty White guest stars as the maid Jay hires to replace her while she's away in Florida. Jay might have it tough when she returns, because the woman's an excellent cook and seamstress. She's also uncommonly adept at auto mechanics and TV repair. She can even beat Franklin at chess.

Michael doesn't think that modeling's a wise career choice for Claire, but when an agent tells him he has the perfect equipment to be a hand model, he thinks it's fine for him. Meanwhile, Kady's spending time with a girl named Rachel, making Franklin very jealous.

It's "game night" at the Kyle house, but it isn't exactly fun and games when the couples play "What Do You Know?" "What You Don't Know" would be more like it. "There's this weird energy here," moans Michael.

Part 1 of two. Vanessa is more than a little bit pregnant. In fact, she's a week overdue. She wants a natural childbirth at home, presided over by a new-agey midwife named Summer Breeze. Fat chance of that happening. Meanwhile, Claire suspects Kady of pilfering her perfume and lipstick.

Conclusion. Following Vanessa's false labor (and the chaos it caused), Michael scripts a "game plan" for the real thing. "This has to work like clockwork," he declares. Meanwhile, Claire and Kady, having made up, go off on a shopping spree together.