When Steve is selected to sing the national anthem at the Langley Falls Veterans' Day celebration, he gets some heat from Stan who doesn't think he's ready for such an undertaking. Unimpressed with Steve's vocal talents, Stan decides Steve needs to experience real war in order to sing about our country's military prowess. But things quickly go south when Roger gets involved and Steve goes bananas.
Stan has to convince the dictator of Isla Island to sign a treaty in order to get a promotion at work. When Stan meets the general and accidentally kills him, he gets Roger to pose as the leader of the small island nation. However, Roger takes his persona too far and Stan has to rescue him from an impending revolution. Meanwhile, Steve and Snot become competitive to see who can get farther with the other's mom.
Steve is left home alone when the family takes a trip to look at a potential college for Hayley. When his friends arrive and realize he has the run of the house, they persuade Steve to break the rules. They're soon in over their heads when they discover that what they thought was a video game is actually a military controlled drone. As they attempt to cover their tracks, Roger has a meltdown that keeps the family from making their trip. Stan returns to find that Steve has betrayed his trust and thrust them into a high-level security situation.
When Hayley and Steve leave for their respective summers of fun, Francine looks forward to her newfound alone time with Stan. There's only one problem: Roger is still living in the attic fighting for every second of attention he can get. When Francine teaches Roger to be self-sufficient, he finally gets a place of his own. Stan fears that he will bore Francine into leaving him and cooks up a scheme to bring Roger back to the house and liven things up. Meanwhile at camp, Steve and his pals fall prey to a scheme that doesn't quite have the effect they were hoping for.
Stan nearly ruins Steve's birthday party by demanding that Steve act his own age, but Francine saves the day by getting the moonbounce Steve has always wanted. When Stan reluctantly joins in the fun, he comes to realize he never had the chance to be a kid. When Stan has a run-in with local law enforcement, the father-son roles are reversed, forcing Steve to become the man of the house. Meanwhile, Klaus tries to re-capture the feeling of having a human body by getting a haircut.
Stan and Francine are set to renew their wedding vows until Stan reveals he only married Francine for her looks. Furious with Stan, Francine "lets herself go" to see if Stan actually loves the woman he's been married to for 20 years. Meanwhile, Steve and Hayley search for the perfect wedding gift.
When Hayley goes to a My Morning Jacket concert against Stan's wishes, he crashes the show to bring her back home, but when he hears their music for the first time, it calls to him and he's smitten. Stan becomes obsessed with the band and decides to follow them on the road as a groupie.
Upset that Hayley no longer wants his advice, Stan decides to prove that she is missing out on his sage counseling. After meeting a stripper on an important CIA mission, Stan takes it upon himself to improve her life and show Hayley that his advice works. But when he opens a new business, hoping to prove Hayley wrong, he finds himself dancing for cash to cover up his failures.
When the Smith family goes to church on Christmas Day, Stan is furious when he can't get a good seat. While Francine tries to ease his frustration, a moment of divine intervention occurs. Upset that he has been left on earth with Francine during the ultimate fight between good and evil, Stan ditches his wife to get into the pearly gates of heaven, but when Francine is kidnapped, Stan fights to get her back.
When Francine demands that Stan get rid of his gas-guzzling SUV because it's draining the family of money, he hatches a plan with Roger at the local horse track to avoid giving up his ride. Meanwhile, it's up to Steve and his friends to help out an old friend.
Stan puts down liberal social programs because he thinks they're a waste of money and gives Francine a hard time for lending a helping hand at the local homeless shelter. When Stan develops a nasty addiction and needs help, he suddenly has a change of heart.
Stan gives Francine "love coupons" for Valentine's Day, but refuses to honor them once he becomes preoccupied with his very own CIA cyborg. Meanwhile, Roger helps Steve and his friends remake a classic '80s movie.
When Stan admits that his heroes include Ronald Reagan and the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey Team, including Michael Eruzione and Rob McClanahan (guest-voicing as themselves), Roger confesses that he played on the team as Chex LeMeneux. But when Roger comes clean that he took steroids to win, they both lose. Meanwhile, Reginald tries to win over Hayley by taking her to a concert.
After Roger and Francine are victims of a mugging, Roger joins the police academy so he can learn how to defend himself and his loved ones, but he falls in with a corrupt cop (guest voice Cannavale) who leads him astray. Meanwhile, Hayley's new friendship threatens her long-term relationship.
When Roger and Francine go wine-tasting, Roger plants a big kiss on Francine in a drunken moment. Francine decides to tell Stan about this incident, but when they sit down to talk, Roger convinces Stan that Francine started it all.
Roger announces that he is putting a portfolio together so he can study crime scene photography. Meanwhile, Stan follows Steve around for the day and discovers that Steve shies away from obstacles, so he decides to bully Steve so that he will toughen up. But Francine does not approve of Stan's approach and decides to help Steve stand up to Stan.
In preparation for a neighborhood pool party, Stan tells his family to get in tip-top shape. But when an accident ruins the Smith family name, a humiliated Stan fakes his family's deaths and moves everyone out of Langley Falls to escape his shame.
It's Roger's birthday, and he begs to be roasted, but when he ends up devastated by the jokes, he vows to pull his life together. Things take a turn for the worse when Roger takes it one step too far, causing the Smith family to go on the run.
Neighbors Terry and Greg are nervous when Terry's father, football great Tank Bates, announces that he will be coming to town for a visit. Terry is worried because his dad doesn't know he's gay, has a baby or lives with his partner. Meanwhile, Steve goes on a drunken bender and learns the meaning of "beer goggles" .
Stan leaves Francine at home to go out with the boys, but guys' night out goes from wild to reckless when Stan finds himself in one compromising situation after another. Meanwhile, Roger and Hayley use their charm and looks to attract a frat boy.