Stan is stressed by family life so he decides to buy a hot tub for the backyard, but he becomes obsessed and when the hot tub (guest voice Cee-Lo Green) starts singing and encourages some bad behavior they are all in trouble.
When a storm hits Langley Falls, the Smiths decide to stay home, they must fight tooth and nail to survive.
Roger becomes Steve's legal guardian, but gets a little too overzealous in the parenting department and gets Steve's BFF Principal Brian Lewis (guest voice Kevin Michael Richardson) fired. After getting beat up by the other teachers at the school, Steve decides to run away. Meanwhile Stan and Francine attempt to make waves after discovering that their vacation to the biggest water park in the world fails to get their hearts pumping.
When Stan realizes that he might never fulfill his dream of becoming a Best Man, he convinces his last single friend, Principal Lewis, to marry the school's Superintendent (guest voice Anjelica Huston) and to choose him as his Best Man. Stan invites Lewis' old friend from prison to the wedding, only to discover a secret that could prevent the wedding from happening at all. Meanwhile, Roger finds the perfect pair of shorts, and an encounter with Ricky Martin (guest-voicing as himself) makes him question his self-confidence.
After realizing that he has missed every milestone in Steve's life, Stan makes a desperate attempt to bond with his son by creating a busty blonde bombshell alias, Phyllis (guest voice Sarah Michelle Gellar), whom he sends Steve's way. When Stan oversteps his boundaries, Francine intervenes to keep's Steve's virginity out of "blonde's" way. Meanwhile, Roger starts his own limo service, and when a group of guys "drive and dash," he goes on a manhunt to get his revenge.
When Stan runs into his former crush from CIA boot camp, his affection for her resurfaces, which drives Francine into a jealous frenzy. By including Roger in her plan for revenge, Francine accidentally leads him straight into the arms of a dangerous alien hunter. Meanwhile, Steve is struck with good luck, when he accidentally wears Hayley's panties to school.
Father Donovan (guest voice Martin Mull) holds a Christmas play at the mall and casts Stan as Santa Claus and Roger as Jesus. But after the two get in a fight and cause a scene, Stan is kicked out of the church. Meanwhile, Hayley and Jeff (guest voice Jeff Fischer) adopt a child who turns out to be possessed.
When Steve tries to prove himself as a macho man to Stan, he follows in Roger's footsteps and tries to change himself from the outside in with a superhero persona. Meanwhile, Francine is going through an identity crisis of her own when she receives surprising news that could change the family forever.
When Stan finally has enough money to afford a membership at the golf club he has worked at for the past thirty summers, his hard work and perseverance prove to be futile when the club gives a membership to Steve first. However, things are not all what they seem when Stan realizes who the club owner really is.
Stan joins Roger and Steve's fictional detective agency, but he ruins the fun by being extremely incompetent at his "job." Roger demands that Steve fire Stan, but Steve cannot bring himself to do it and ends up lying to Roger. Things take a turn for the worse when Stan is kidnapped, and Steve must tell Roger the truth.
When Stan is overly enthusiastic about his hatred for old people, a hex is placed on him that turns him into a frail, old man. Meanwhile, Roger takes Francine on a road trip to a dance competition, but she soon finds out it's not what she bargained for.
When Barry (guest voice Thomas) threatens Stan's old high school wrestling record, Stan enlists Roger to beat Barry and defend his small claim to fame. However, Stan is caught off-guard when Roger, not Barry, is actually the threat to Stan's record.
Roger acts as the Smith family therapist under his "Dr. Penguin" alter-ego, but his services are put on hold when he is sent to Iraq to fight in the war. Klaus seizes his opportunity to be the go-to counselor of the household, but ends up causing a major ruckus.
Despite Stan's objections, Francine buys Steve the dog he's always wanted. However, when the dog suffers a horrific accident, Stan refuses to take the pup off life support because of a traumatic childhood incident.
After losing patience with Hayley and Jeff for their freeloading ways, Stan bets the young couple that he and Francine can live on minimum wage for a month. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger embark on a mission to test drive the car of their dreams.
Stan discovers that Francine was unfaithful one night before she and Stan married. With the possibility that Hayley may not be his biological daughter, he travels back in time to find out who the mystery dad might be. But when he inadvertently disrupts the events of the past, he must do everything to avoid changing the future.
Roger rediscovers his alter-ego "Ricky Spanish," an infamous character who remains the most despised man in town. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine are in for a surprise when their sponsored child from Africa shows up on their doorstep.
When Stan catches Steve (Scott Grimes) playing imaginary games with his toys, he decides to take his son down to Mexico to help him become a man. But the trip takes a turn for the worse when Stan and Steve are kidnapped by a drug cartel, and it's up to Steve to break himself and Stan out of captivity.
Stan spends some quality father-son time with Steve at the local zoo, but things go horribly wrong when Steve slips into a gorilla exhibit. Meanwhile, Roger bets Hayley that he can become a great Country singer and sets out to write the most heartbreaking song of all time.